The Root of the Battle...

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Well….I’ve had an incredible couple of months.  I’m not even sure I can put words to the experiences….but for my own benefit and integration, it seems important to make the attempt.  In August, I had a session with one of my favorite “transformational artists/facilitators” – Ray Dawn (see www.raydawn.com).  Things weren’t moving along as I had hoped and I wanted to know what the problem was.  The time with Ray Dawn revealed the fact that I hadn’t “given up the battle.”   Though I could definitely feel “angst” around politics, the educational system, religion, etc., I hadn’t put two-and-two together that the cause of the angst and external battles I was experiencing was actually within me.

I could easily see the part(s) of me that were battling the system and pushing for change.  This part of me felt the battle was necessary for transformation to take place.  However, I know (at least in my mind) that what I see and experience externally is actually the mirror of what is going on inside me – I just hadn’t brought what “I know” home yet.  So….I decided to look a little deeper….where was the real battle?

When I turned inward, I found a slightly more subtle battle going on.  This one had to do with trust.   Though I feel fairly confident that I have the courage to follow my own guidance (when I hear it!), I hadn’t given much validation to the angst I felt when that guidance had me doing things that seemed contrary to popular belief.  There was a great deal of anxiety I was ignoring.  The angst caused me to “pull my sword” and bulldoze ahead against the false façade of the general world.  “The world around me doesn’t operate the way I do, therefore, I must change it!  I must take it on!  I must engage in the battle!”  (Good God – just writing about it wears me out!)  All the while….the crux of the battle without continued unattended inside me….

As I continued to deepen the search within me, the angst of the battle flamed hotter!  The greater the angst…the more uncomfortable and unhappy I became.  The voices in my head became louder and more consistent – they had nothing nice to say.  The nasty feelings that accompanied them were unbearable.  I almost couldn’t stand it!  Finally, I heard “I give up….this is who I am…I am a 7 times Scorpio…I love to search the dark/unknown….I’m not meant to be anything other than who I am… I love the shadows…I love the mystery….that’s just the way it is….This is me….and this is the way I am meant to be.”   And with that acknowledgment came peace.  For the first time, I was seeing through the eyes of Karrie – not some past life or the eyes of how I thought I should be.  For the first time, I was me and in the now.  And…..the angst disappeared.

A few days letter, the angst returned and the voices of ugliness were screaming!  I was conscious of the fact that these voices were a part of me – I accepted that - BUT I didn’t like what they had to say AND I most certainly didn’t like the way I felt!  In that moment it became apparent that my reaction had always been to suppress them – shove them down as far as possible so no one can see them – especially me!  However, I couldn’t ignore them anymore – so now what?! 

I decided to go for a walk.  On that walk, I asked for assistance in dealing with these shadowy characters and feelings.  Within a few minutes, I felt this cloud energetically separate from me – and it was u-g-l-y!  It was all my shadows in one big horrendous shadow-cloud!  The cloud took form in the shape of an extremely ugly troll-like figure – hunched, hairless, pointed ears, long sharp nails and extremely nasty feeling!  It was so horrible I couldn’t even bring myself to look at it!  I noticed that it felt really good to not have it within me – but I knew I had to do something.  I finally decided I had to look at it.  I took a calming breath and looked it right in the eyes…and then I put my hand on the side of its face and said “I’m so sorry…Please forgive me….I love you….thank you.”  Immediately, the figure began to dissipate…so I said these words twice more.  The troll completely disintegrated leaving a little girl which quickly reintegrated back into me….

I haven’t felt that angst since.  When I do feel a little something, I do the same thing – I’m so sorry….Please forgive me…I love you…thank you – and it disappears. 

I believe this was the crux of the real battle…the battle within me was with me.  The real battle was me trying not to be me.  I was battling my-Self because I thought I was supposed to be different than who I am – and that’s a battle I will never win.

I sense the shadows I have attempted to suppress for most of my life probably originated from me abandoning and denying me in order to fit into the ways of the false-façade world.  This forced a battle to ensue in order to keep those shadows suppressed and to keep me from being the real me – the me I’m meant to be….

In this moment, I am at peace – content to be Karrie….happy to be me.   

Much love,

Karrie

Out of Polarization....A Kindred Collective

October 8, 2012

This morning, I have been contemplating “polarization” again.  A few posts ago, I wrote about an “aha” I received regarding this “energy of separation.”  I realized that polarization was necessary for “transformation” – and critical for creating something new.  [Before I continue….I want to share a little background information about my own process.  A little over a week ago, I energetically put out the call for my own “kindred collective.”  I recognized I really desired to connect with those of “like-mindedness” or “like-energy.”  Within a few days, I received an e-mail connecting “me” to ME.  It was amazing.  Everything I read was exactly what I have experienced, written about in my book, sensed and desired.  It is a reality I know.  It was like someone was channeling “me” – when perhaps “I” have been channeling “them.” (Or both!)  I believe I found my kindred collective – and that brings great relief and something to focus upon.]  This takes me back to the political parties and the obvious polarization that exists between them. 

As an example (overly simplified), the 2 parties in many ways represent 2 big umbrellas.  These umbrellas appear to hold incredibly opposing energies…AND under each of those umbrellas exist less intense (for the moment) – but nevertheless polarized – energies.  The polarized energy serves transformation/creation by separating out the energies into what it is people “resonate with” (it’s also a clue to where our fears may lie).  The intensity almost forces us to “separate” – and how we “separate” helps us to find our “kindred spirits” in many ways.  The process continues driven by “events” (not just political) that further clarify what “resonates” even more.  As far as I’m concerned, the really cool part is that in the “end” everyone gets their “way” and their “reality.”  We all move toward the energy that “resonates” and separate from that which does not.  Whatever the reality we’re creating, it isn’t something we’ve “earned” or “fought for,” it’s something that’s already in us and driven by that which resonates with us.  There’s no getting in the wrong elevator or missing the exit, we just follow that which resonates.  For me, this is “being the change I seek in the world” and therefore, creating the world I truly desire.  The more I listen to my own inner guidance (what resonates), the less struggle and suffering I feel.

Finding and following what resonates with me gives me further confidence to “sing my song.”  In singing my song, I help to create the reality I truly desire.

In pursuit of Happiness… J

Much love,

Karrie

    

Out Beyond the Patriarchy...

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Well, I’m back to pondering “politics” again….but not from the perspective of right and wrong or opposing/rival teams.  For the past few weeks, I have done my best to remove myself from newspapers, television or internet commentaries regarding politics and the upcoming election.  Over this last week, our entire household has been “politics-free” – allowing a reprieve from angst, polarization, frustration and anger.  I believe this “time-out” has given me the opportunity to feel into the much larger picture of what is going on in America as well as the rest of the world.

Here’s what I believe to be true as I look from where I currently am toward the year 2016 (wow…2016, isn’t that amazing?) ….  I sense the continued - and perhaps accelerated - collapse of out-dated systems.  The umbrella term/phrase I would use to cover the vast majority of these systems would be “of the patriarchy.”  I sense we are talking about big systems (as well as our own internal equivalent) – financial, economic, religious, political and governmental to name a few.  These are systems we have out-grown in their present form.  In general, these systems are missing the influence of the “Divine Feminine” and therefore have become “out-of-balance” in a time meant to bring us more into balance.  The new systems that will be co-created will include the feminine and masculine energies working in tandem and harmony. 

The collapse of the old systems is only a matter of when and not a matter of if.  As to whether or not this will happen, it matters not who is in the White House.  These things have to happen and will.  This is a time of great opportunity and excitement for those who can ride the changes upon us and take advantage of the creative energies available.  It is a time when working together will be necessary if we are to stay atop the wave of transformation.  For those who don’t adapt well to change or cannot release the reigns of power, the patriarchy and the out-grown, the experience may feel more challenging than opportunistic. 

So….what can I/we do?  I sense it is important for those who are conscious of the “goings-on” to remain focused and loyal to the energy of Rumi’s Field – the field beyond all right doing and wrong doing.  It is in this field that co-creativity flourishes and the impossible becomes the possible.  I also feel it will be helpful to us as well as the whole to continue flushing our own out-dated beliefs and perspectives as they make themselves known AND relish any “resonating” creative endeavors that express and align with the beauty, grace and awesome nature of who we really are.

These are exciting times…and in many ways the times I/we have been waiting for! 

Much love,

Karrie   

Idling at the Stoplight...

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Has anyone else run into a lot of “brick walls” over the last few months?  For quite awhile, the vision representing where I am has been that of a red stoplight.  I have been idling at a stoplight which is red in the direction I’m headed.  Every time I checked-in, I was still sitting at the light - which had not changed.  A few days ago, I suddenly realized I still had a “right turn” available!  I decided to “take it” and have been on the move ever since.

Of course, this was entirely metaphorical.  However, I believe I was able to finally interpret it.  The red stoplight and my idleness were representative of the fact that things no longer work the same way.  The way I’ve always done things is no longer available.  The Law of Cause and Effect is still “ruling” but what has shifted is the “initiator” which sets things in motion – in other words, the “cause.”  Where working hard, pushing forward, persevering, “forcing” or “demanding” used to bring results, these modes of operation no longer seem to get things moving.  In 5D energetics, the igniter (cause) seems to have become “resonance.”  (This seems to bring a sense of relief.)

Through my own (continuing) experimentation, it appears that if something doesn’t “resonate” with the essence/being/soul of which I am….the energy for it to manifest isn’t there.  I can’t “man-handle” it and expect it to work.  What used to be the way in 3D, doesn’t seem to be the way now.  If it doesn’t “resonate”, it isn’t going to “congregate” into form.  I’ve also noticed that you can’t make something “resonate.”  It either does or it doesn’t.  If it doesn’t, don’t bother wasting your time or your concerns.  Move on.

Before I came to this realization, I recognized a few things…1) nothing was moving for me, 2) I felt like I was mirroring the collapse of the 3D systems around me (and I was), and 3) I realized I was still attempting to do things in a 3D manner.  Through my own contemplation as well as some on-line searching regarding “manifestation in the 5D”, I was led to an understanding of what I needed to change in order to “get moving” in the new energetics.  I sense that learning how to operate in 5D is the “bridge” to escaping - or at least relieving - some of the harshness of the 3D collapse.  The rules have shifted and I have to align or experience the consequences.

So…some things are coming to mind….first, if I don’t like my experience then I need to determine what “resonates” and take a step.  I don’t need to struggle, wrestle or work harder.  In fact, if I try these out-dated techniques, nothing seems to happen or move - except an elevation of frustration and anger.  I can’t “fake-out” the Universe.  I have to connect with that which truthfully “resonates” with me.  Second, I need to keep my eyes focused and my senses alerted toward that which is resonating.  Looking elsewhere and becoming distracted by the “collapse-in-process” around me will only nudge me off course.

I am so excited (at least part of the time J ) to be living in such amazing times.  The fact that we have moved into a new energetic that supports the emergence of who we truly are – and what our being-ness has to offer – is incredibly awesome and inspiring.  I am looking forward to each step of the way as a new reality unfolds before me.

Much love,

Karrie

Until I open my mouth....

Monday, October 1, 2012

I’ve been in what I will refer to as a “creative funk” as of late – no motivation or inspiration to do much of anything.  Perhaps some of you have felt the same way?  Even if a part of me felt a spark of excitement, it was quickly squelched by a mob of “party pooper” characters getting their “jollies” by being a bunch of “snarksters.”  From afar - Carla Crabtree, Sammy Snot, Ulla Uninspired, Marta Mouthy, Danny Discouraging and Bertha B. (no need to spell) – are somewhat comical.  Up close and personal, they are the “downer from hell!”  Needless to say, I was overjoyed when it was time for them to go back to wherever it is they come from.  Perhaps next time I can just watch them on the “big screen” and skip the “bonding time.”

Today, during caffeine-free tea and contemplation, something rather funny occurred to me.  I was thinking about a conversation I heard in my head a couple of months ago while watching someone walk into a room.  He/she was one of those people who turns heads…you can’t take your eyes off them.  There’s something about them that leaves you in that “I-could-stay-in-this-moment-forever” space – until they open their mouth.  When they begin to talk, the incredible experience dissipates in a nanosecond.  One of their less-than-enjoyable-or-upbeat personalities has taken them hostage and our (unbeknownst to them) shared experience becomes somewhat of a disappointment.  However, when you take a moment to consciously sense who they really are – that incredibleness is clear and very present.

Now….this got me thinking….about me.  What do people experience when I walk into a room?  AND what do they experience when I open my mouth?  As I attempted to feel into the first and then thought about the characters of mine that sometimes rip the microphone out of my hand - I had to laugh.  The first is really about my being – the essence of who I am.  The second is about my inner team of characters who I seem to have been gifted with (or “saddled” with!) for this lifetime. J These are the “guys & gals” who many times make themselves known when I open my mouth – especially when I’m not conscious.  Sometimes they make me proud…and sometimes I’m ready to take a vow of silence! 

For me, the point of all this is the recognition that I really desire to experience and work in tandem with - and as - the essence of who I am….which means I really need to be aware of how I’m feeling, who in my head has the microphone and whether or not I’m conscious and aligned with my essence in any given moment.  When I know I’m not in alignment and one of the “inmates” has the keys to my personal “asylum,” it may be best to remain silent, smile prettily and keep moving!

 So…you know what that means?  I need to invest in “whitener” and new tennis shoes!

Much love,

Karrie