Undoing the Battle

Friday, August 17, 2012

For the last week or so, I've been contemplating "battle."  There are many times when the words or actions of a group, organization or an individual can flip an internal switch and immediately I'm ready to go "toe to toe" with them.  I can feel such anger and angst over a comment or a philosophical stance that opposes my own. I don't like feeling such strong emotions - especially if one of my characters gets the jump on "me" and shares its "two cents" before I've had the opportunity to "filter" it!

I finally decided to take a look at what existed beneath these passionate emotions.  Why did certain comments or "stances" really tick me off?  Why do I feel threatened?  It had been suggested to me that an external battle is really a mirror of a battle within myself.  What was I arguing about inside?  At one point, I realized that the inner battle I was experiencing was between Trust and Doubt.  For the most part, I can honestly say I trust my inner guidance and what I feel/sense to be true, however, the recognition of this little tug-o-war within me awakened me to the fact that there were still parts of me that had doubt.  Why?  Because many times there is no material world/physical sight confirmation that what I'm doing is the "right" thing.  In fact, a great deal of the time the feedback from the outside appears to oppose what I'm doing or there is absolute silence - which I don't take as supportive.  Therefore, doubt is birthed.

Going a little deeper, I realized how much I have depended on "direction" from the world around me.  I recognized that when I don't receive external confirmation I immediately begin to "second guess" or may even become defensive and angry.  Without the recognition of "rightness," I assume I am being told I'm "wrong."  The internal battle that ensues seems to be between "what I feel/sense to be true" and what my physical sight and senses are experiencing.  I doubt "what I know to be true" because I don't see others doing or hear them saying the same as I am doing and saying.  In other words, I'm not seeing   evidence that what I'm doing or feeling is "right."

This is an important realization on my journey toward true independence and completeness.  I believe that each of us is really complete.  We have our own gifts, talents, feelings, thoughts, experiences...and guidance system.  We intuitively know what's right and what isn't right - for us.  And this is the key.  We intuitively know what's right and what isn't right - for us.  We are independent beings capable of unique and incredible things.  We battle others outside ourselves in order to prove ourselves "right."  Others do the same thing.  We just need to know that "right" for each and every one of us is unique.  The only question we really need to be able to answer is, "Is this right for me?"  We can't choose or determine what is "right" for someone else.

As I worked through this, I realized that as a complete and independent being I don't need to "go to the mats" to prove myself "right."  I don't need to get angry.  I don't need to get everyone else to go along with me.  I don't have to battle the world's systems for change.  I only need to understand within myself that I am "right" - and so is everyone else.  This is the essence of understanding and living from unalienable rights.  In this understanding, I can find peace.

Much love,
Karrie