Until I open my mouth....

Monday, October 1, 2012

I’ve been in what I will refer to as a “creative funk” as of late – no motivation or inspiration to do much of anything.  Perhaps some of you have felt the same way?  Even if a part of me felt a spark of excitement, it was quickly squelched by a mob of “party pooper” characters getting their “jollies” by being a bunch of “snarksters.”  From afar - Carla Crabtree, Sammy Snot, Ulla Uninspired, Marta Mouthy, Danny Discouraging and Bertha B. (no need to spell) – are somewhat comical.  Up close and personal, they are the “downer from hell!”  Needless to say, I was overjoyed when it was time for them to go back to wherever it is they come from.  Perhaps next time I can just watch them on the “big screen” and skip the “bonding time.”

Today, during caffeine-free tea and contemplation, something rather funny occurred to me.  I was thinking about a conversation I heard in my head a couple of months ago while watching someone walk into a room.  He/she was one of those people who turns heads…you can’t take your eyes off them.  There’s something about them that leaves you in that “I-could-stay-in-this-moment-forever” space – until they open their mouth.  When they begin to talk, the incredible experience dissipates in a nanosecond.  One of their less-than-enjoyable-or-upbeat personalities has taken them hostage and our (unbeknownst to them) shared experience becomes somewhat of a disappointment.  However, when you take a moment to consciously sense who they really are – that incredibleness is clear and very present.

Now….this got me thinking….about me.  What do people experience when I walk into a room?  AND what do they experience when I open my mouth?  As I attempted to feel into the first and then thought about the characters of mine that sometimes rip the microphone out of my hand - I had to laugh.  The first is really about my being – the essence of who I am.  The second is about my inner team of characters who I seem to have been gifted with (or “saddled” with!) for this lifetime. J These are the “guys & gals” who many times make themselves known when I open my mouth – especially when I’m not conscious.  Sometimes they make me proud…and sometimes I’m ready to take a vow of silence! 

For me, the point of all this is the recognition that I really desire to experience and work in tandem with - and as - the essence of who I am….which means I really need to be aware of how I’m feeling, who in my head has the microphone and whether or not I’m conscious and aligned with my essence in any given moment.  When I know I’m not in alignment and one of the “inmates” has the keys to my personal “asylum,” it may be best to remain silent, smile prettily and keep moving!

 So…you know what that means?  I need to invest in “whitener” and new tennis shoes!

Much love,

Karrie